Thursday, July 9, 2009

The Steve McNair Murder - Real Talk

We have all seen the headlines. Steve McNair - Murder/Suicide. I really dont want to sound judgemental, but this situation has opened up a conversation about fidelity and marriage that needs to be discussed. All respect and condolences to Mrs. Mechelle McNair, who i feel is the real victim in all of this. I have read some really horrible blog posts about how maybe Steve wasn't getting what he needed at home, or how Mrs. McNair had to know about the affair, etc. All of that is irrelevent to me. Because guess what??..this woman now has to bury her husband who has publicly disgraced her and her boys in his death. Mr. McNair was married and his responsibility was to his wife and kids. Not to some random hottie that he met at a Dave & Busters 6 months prior. Now his sons must grow up without a father over what? Some poontang? (yeah I said "POONTANG") Was she worth it? I doubt it. IMO married men that cheat on their wives are selfish, insecure, losers. I don't care how it's justified. My thing is, why get married if thats not what you want to do? I mean its a choice. right? So why do it, and then cheat? If you dont want to be in the marriage, why not get a divorce? Why put everyone through the drama of an affair? I have seen firsthand how lives can be ripped apart due to infidelity within a marriage. My own dad cheated on my mom and got the other woman pregnant. OF COURSE he told the other woman that he was going to leave my mom... and when he didnt the other woman attempted suicide. I'll never forget it, I had to be about 10 maybe and suddenly there I was at my grandmother's house being introduced to a 2 year old boy, my brother, because his mother was in the hospital. I will never forget the look on my mothers face when she came to pick us up that day. She took one look at the boy and in that instant I knew that something was wrong. She divorced him that same year and I am glad she did. Instead of letting us grow up in a house of lies, abuse & infidelity, she chose to raise us by herself with the truth. My dad ended up shacking up with the other woman for many years after the divorce and had 2 more children, he never married her and was very abusive to her throughout their relationship (physically, mentally and emotionally). He never even gave the 3 kids they had together his last name. You get what you ask for and the grass always seems greener on the other side, right? This is why the McNair story hits me so close to home. My father is dead now, may he rest in peace, my momma actually grabbed the other woman's hand during the funeral and held it as a show of forgiveness and closure (that is classic behavior for my mother, she is a real queen). but when I think of the countless lives that he negatively affected with his infidelity, abuse and lies... and I dont even want to talk about the BAGFUL of issues that came about for me because of this...

So here is my wisdom for the can take it or leave it.

GUYS: If you want to still sleep around in this age of HIV and seriously psychotic women...DON'T GET MARRIED! If you are already married and are cheating, STOP IT or at least be a man about it and give your wife the chance to choose whether she wants to be with your sorry cheatin ass! And especially if there are children involved. If you think that kids cant feel whats going on, you are mistaken. They are more perceptive than you think. You are teaching your daughters that its ok, to allow a man to use and abuse her, and you are teaching your sons that its ok to be disrespectful to women

LADIES: Young and old, if you are messin with a married man STOP IT. There are a million reasons why you shouldn't, but I will just give you a few. #1 if he truly wanted to be with you..he would. #2. Have some respect for youself...dont let this guy use you like that. trust and believe that he IS using you. A woman deserves to be with a man that truly wants to be with her. #3. If he will lie to his wife by being with you, what makes you think you can trust this guy with your heart?

Warning Signs
-If you have been dating him for months and have never been to his house...he's married
-If he has you on a visitation schedule, meaning he only comes to see you at certain times specifically...he's married
-If he is always MIA during major holidays...He's married
-If he says that he is leaving his wife...for you? please..that is the oldest line in the book, dont believe it.

In the event that he leaves his wife to be with you, remember how you got him, cause you will probably lose him the same way

If the untimely murder/death of the brilliant football star Steve McNair doesn't sway you, pick up a copy of Steve Harvey's book "Act Like A Lady - Think Like a Man".
Remember if you choose to ignore what's obvious, you get what you deserve...and Karma can be a mean bitch.

Spiritual Messages:
- Deepest condolences to Mrs McNair, may God give you the strength to raise those boys without their dad and also pray that God see fit to bless with a man that wants you and only you, one day.
- RIP Steve McNair OF COURSE i dont know you, but my hubby enjoyed watching you play, and you kinda put us all in your business...soooo, if you see my dad, whereever you are, tell him that I said, "What's Up!?"

...Stay Tuned and please don't forget to follow & comment :-)

http://thesistahcafe.blogspot. com/


  1. So I will put my two cents in if I may and straddle the fence back and fourth on both sides...Only because at first I thought...EWW that wife has come in and killed both them fools. But according to the media it is not so. She probably could have and been considered insane... So here is what I have noticed in my 33 years of life. Women think they are really doing something by taking another womans husband home with them. Why because they are giving their husband something that they do not get at home....lack of responsibility. So yes if there are single women out there that enjoy having sex with irresponsible men than by all means and the same goes for men if you enjoy not being responsible, sleep around and spread the HIV epidemic and help create the statistics of single parent households. Why not everybody else is...right...
    I come from a single parent home because of choice by my mother but I also have seen a home full of distrust, lies, and cheating men and women. It is a cycle really. The daughter is persuaded by the mother that as long as the husband is taking care of the family it is okay for him to lay around. GUESS WHAT that laying dog not only kisses the person he is cheating with but he is also coming home kissing the family members of the household...not to be graphic or anything but you get the drift. Also this man is teaching his daughter that this is normal behavior so when she becomes an adult she will accept the same of her spouse sometimes...OH OH but those same fathers want to then kill their new son in laws...POT CALLING THE KETTLE BLACK huh...
    I have listened to conversations of women who enjoy snagging away husbands and trying to even reproduce with these men...IF THEY ARE NOT TAKING CARE OF THEIR OWN then WHY WILL THEY TAKE CARE OF YOURS must never run across these womens minds apparently. I at a later age am just realizing how common this factor is but what is more shocking is the number of women that have somehow jumped on the bandwagon to do the same to their spouses. I am just gonna leave my comment with an old Arsenio Hall thing I remember from the 80's. Things that make you go HMMM...

  2. Excellent post. I think most people are focusing on the sensationalism of the whole thing and missing the bigger picture. A woman is husbandless and 4 boys are without a father. All because two adults chose to disrespect the marriage vows. I hope this will cause some folks to wake up and see what's out there.

  3. Hey Sistah,
    I enjoyed reading your point of view. Blogs allow us to express ourselves. You have some very good points. I must say that every situation is different. With all that has been said about my fellow alumnus, Steve McNair, I must add another point. Sure, he lost his life in what I consider being in the absolute wrong place and the situation did not look good. However, in his defense, we have not seen him kissing her, or caught in a sexual situation. Sure, I'm a realist. 9 times out of 10, it may have been an affair but with us looking from outside the situation, we really don't know what was going on. Corpses don't talk and wife Mechelle has not commented other than she did not know the chick. Having attend Alcorn and having met him personally, I really hate his life's work will be tarnished by this tragedy. I do believe that this should be a wakeup call to all people. As my husband always says, "You don't want the appearance of. . ." So I think people will think twice about their choices. However, as humans, we never think that it could happen to us. I like your youtube videos and will definitely follow your blog!

  4. I appreciate all of the comments, this is something worth discussing, I think. I agree that its terrible that Mr. McNairs life had to be tarnished like this. Choices. I believe that we all are hoping that this will be a wake up call. A terrible tragedy indeed. In Steve Harvey's book that is mentioned, when asked Why men cheat...and this is not a direct quote...the answer? Because they can. In other words, there is always a willing woman to cheat with. Does this say anything about women? or is it still only a problem for males? Let me know what you think.


Thank you in advance for taking the time to leave a comment. Comments that include links will not be approved. ~Peace