Preparing Your Child for the Loss of a Loved One

I don't think that anyone is ever prepared for the loss of a loved one.  My family experienced a loss last week.  On February 12th, 2013 my husband lost his dear Mother.  Although, she was elderly and ill losing her has not only been a horrible blow to us, but especially to our young daughter.  She was not adequately prepared to witness this transition and I blame myself.  After seeing her reaction to her grandmother laying in the casket I then realized that maybe I should have let her know that this was coming.  Having attended very few funerals myself I don't think that I was prepared either. I'm Lutheran.  In the Black Baptist Church funerals include:

A Viewing or Wake ~ This is where the body is laid out in an open coffin for all to view.  Held at the funeral home

A Funeral or HomeGoing ~ The church service where we remember the deceased and the casket is closed and carried from the church

A Repass - After the body is taken to the cemetary, the family meets at the church for fellowship and dinner.

My daughter erupted in tears at the Wake and again at the funeral.  I am sure the tears were from sadness, but I think some of them were also because she was scared and unprepared.  I failed to tell her what to expect.  I did not inform her that she would be seeing her grandmother's body.  I did not tell her what a cemetery was.  I could not prepare her seeing her father as he wept for his mother.  Of course hindsight is 20/20.  If I had it to do again, it would have definitely been different.

Here are few tips that I would recommend to get your child ready to deal with the loss of a loved one.

Explain life and death to your child. 

I cant tell you how to go about doing this because we all have different belief systems.  One thing that is constant no matter what you believe is that we live and we die.  Explain this in your terms.

Talk to your child about what to expect at a funeral.  

Again traditions vary but this can be a very shocking experience to a child that has no idea what happens.

Remember Your Love One.  

Help your child to think about the good times they had with their loved one.  Bring out old pictures.  Talk about fun times from the past and pleasant memories.  Encourage them to speak on what they remember.

Send a Note to School.  

Explain to the administrators what has happened so that they will understand your child's possible behavior changes.  

Allow your Child to be a part of the process. 

I love the way my husband's family included the children in the services.  Naming the grandsons as pall bearers and presenting the grand daughters with roses were just 2 of the ways that I believe helped the kids to cope by participating.  The girls also all wore gold ribbons and the boys wore gold ties.

Hugs.  

Hug your child.  Its a simple gesture but when administered frequently can do wonders for understanding.

The funeral is over now, but the sadness still lingers.  RIP to our dear Mother Juanita Taylor.  Please pray for us as we go through this difficult time.  I hope that you never have to experience such a loss.  If you do, I hope that you find my tips helpful.  Please share any tips you have in the comments, we would love to see them.

Thanks for reading.

Peace

Savannah

My hubby and I traveled to Savannah, Georgia to celebrate our 8th year of wedded bliss ;-) What a wonderful getaway it turned out to be. It's just a hop, skip & jump away from Atlanta...3.5 hours I think. It misted the entire time we were there, but that was no problem. We tried to see all that we could in our short little weekend, so as instructed by friends, we walked River Street, ate @ Paula Deen's, & took the Ghost Tour. In the midst of all that typical touristy stuff I was able to "feel" Savannah. It is a beautifully spooky place with its cobblestone streets, graveyards, "squares", historic structures, etc. Walking through the historic district is truly like going back in time. I was in awe of the many Oak trees covered in Spanish moss with branches that hang over and shade sidewalks and walkways. They made everything feel so lush and green, almost cozy. Standing next to First African Baptist Church while finding out that it is one of the oldest African American congregations churches in the U.S. gave me goosebumps. How many and who have stood here before me? River Street with all of its original buildings - warehouses that are now restuarants, gift shops, and bars was lost in a sea of drunk visitors. Savannah was one of the MAJOR ports of entry for millions of African Slaves... How many of my ancestors may have come thru here? That is all that I could think about while I was there. Not in a sad way, but in a, respectful-remembrance-acknowledgement way. Knowing that Savannah and all its former splendor was accomplished on the backs of the African Slave...I can't help but feel that. The Ghost Tour was amazing! Our tour guide was very dramatic and lively. her stories sent chills up my spine! This was ok because it allowed me to snuggle closer to my hubby. Who would have thought that a walking/riding spoooky tour with a stranger telling scary stories on a chilly February evening...in Savannah... would be so romantic. It was.

Of course we ate at Paulaah Deeeen's (I try to type in my best Southern drawl). I am a HUGE Paula Deen fan, so that was a real treat for me. The whole process was exciting. If you've been there you know you have to get there at a certain time in the morning to put your name on a list to eat later on. When we went back at our designated time, we were immediately seated, and oh ok, i know...Paula Deen was not there, not like she's really gonna be there. I know this, but I was thrilled none the less! Like the going -to- the- fair- for- the- very- first- time sort of thrilled. I ordered the Crab Stew which blew my mind, so creamy, cheezy, buttery, and the crabmeat...succulent. I also had the Savannah Crab Cake. This thing was huge first of all and served on a bed of black beans and rice with onions. You have to close your eyes when you eat it...that's all I'm saying. My husband went with the buffet, which includes various southern/soul food dishes. Yes, I sampled from his plate...sweet potatoes, fried chicken, collard greens, mac & cheese, etc all perfectly prepared and delectable. I am out of adjectives. All in All it was a fantastic little getaway. I truly enjoyed it and will definately go back (for a longer visit next time).